I recently met someone whose friend was studying the phenomenon of being intensely moved by a song. Coincidentally, I had recently been gushing about this feeling to my sister — when something about a new song smothers you, immeasurably. When you feel so moved by a passage, that time suspends in stillness altogether. And the life-changing effect it has on you is most likely unique to only you. It’s the feeling of being seen and understood by another being so deeply, as though the song knows you and your life intimately. It’s surely one of those sensations that the English language doesn’t have a phrase for, but probably exists very eloquently in Japanese or Portuguese. ‘Frisson’ is the closest match: a sudden rush or wave of emotions that some people experience when listening to an emotive piece of music. Frisson is the French word meaning to ‘shiver’ or to have ‘chills’. All that to say — someone in the world is doing a PhD on this and I find that remarkable.
Here are a few songs that have kept me company during autumn. The first song especially gave me frisson. I desperately wanted to learn it inside and out, whilst trying not to listen to it too often. Slowly discovering its parts felt intoxicating, like falling in love. And ultimately, the honeymoon phase draws to a close, and you move into a familiar, comforting relationship with the song that for whatever reason, once moved you to tears.
Living life within the confines of my headphones is not all roses of course. I’ve been silently suffering with ongoing health woes, which are nuanced and out of my control and turn me into an empty shell of myself. My spirit goes offline. But returning to writing this week has brought me out of my depths back into brightness. Reminding me to reconnect to the little joys, the sparkles, and the aliveness. The frisson of it all: missing zoom calls, hours of snoozing my alarm, voice note marathons. A surprising kiss over a Tuesday night wine, making banana bread, the pleasure of watching this film. New blue sandals, life drawing, putting down a deposit for a new camera (it arrived a few days ago, more on that soon!)
And as always, the thrill of getting film developed. I’ve shot four rolls of film by testing three cameras: one was given to me by a next-door neighbour, one that a friend found on the side of the road in hard rubbish, and one that I bought to replace my cherished Olympus XA that was stolen. The photos below are a combination of all three cameras. The dazzling palette of changing leaves made for a compelling backdrop to capture all the things.
A friend recently reminded me that this time last year, last autumn, I was telling her how lost I felt. How I had lost my passion, drive, and creative self. My sense of self. I was about to quit my job, travel and find a life that fits me. How quickly this year went by and thankfully, how much has transpired since.
Take care as the days grow shorter and colder, and if you’re in the northern hemisphere, enjoy the welcoming of long, warm summer days. I’m envious. Hopefully see you there soon.
Mad x
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A highlight of recent times was a spontaneous visit to Walsh Street House, designed in 1958 by renowned architect Robin Boyd for his family. An almost private tour presented the chance to photograph the whole exquisite thing:
And some other Autumn highlights:
Beautiful and inspiring, as always
You have such a great eye. These are beautiful shots!