Week 4
Berlin — Amsterdam — Utrecht — The Hague
Hi friends, it’s taken a while for me to reflect and put this together, but many photos and words incoming. Over ten days, I visited Berlin and then took a train across to The Netherlands. The start of this week was a testing time, where I experienced the first real lows of the trip. The month before had gone so smoothly and joyously, and I was on a high from my time in Copenhagen, so naturally it had to come down at some point. The feelings were the accumulative effect of not enough sleep, full meals or vitamin D, and some weird encounters. But despite some negative feelings you’re about to read, it’s all part of the experience and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Discomfort makes you grow. It’s okay to feel so much, and it led me to learn more about myself and how to make this adventure what I want it to be.
Berlin, Germany
Sad and heavy. That’s how I felt being out in Berlin. I couldn’t work out why this was the default, but perhaps it makes sense from the horrors that have gone down there, somewhat recently. I listened to a podcast about the Berlin Wall and I wondered why I thought this experience would be different. I’ve since found this hard to articulate to fellow travellers about my time there, because it feels a bit ‘woo-woo’, but the city simply didn’t sit well with me.
The hostel in Berlin was the catalyst, after the cancelled flight and 4am start. This place was awful, in an eerie residential neighbourhood without shops nearby despite being central, sharing a room with a nosy 19 year old guy who didn’t understand personal space, and hadn’t showered or washed his clothes in a week, which he didn’t need to mention as the stench preceded him. The showers were all gender, but with no cubicles, and clear shower door glass. I stuck it out for a day or so, then I cried in a cafe and booked a hotel room. I took refuge in my luxurious room, an absolute treat of a place, to escape the streets and the relentless rain.
My first positive experience was finding a bar in Prenzlauer Berg at 5pm, looking for my first meal of the day. Craft beer and sandwiches were the specialty, with a grungy vibe. I felt like a fish out of water but the waitress was kind and cool and I was too starving to care. I sat street-side and overheard some very interesting conversations on a date, from a guy who was trying drag for the first time, and about his failed relationship. The rain came down, and whenever it rained, lightning came down with it. We all scurried inside to the bar upstairs, and it was cosy. People had their dogs, I met a bulldog called Molly. It could’ve been 5pm or 10pm. A chicken katsu sando and a beer helped me loosen up and relax. I finally felt more open to experience, more open to the sheer extremity of this situation and how things can turn around quite quickly. A big thanks goes to my dear friends who I had a group FaceTime with earlier which gave me a much needed boost.
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Somehow 8 hours on the train to Amsterdam flew by, instantly relieved of the weird vibes of Berlin. I spent some time on the last blog post, which made me feel motion sick. I spied a handsome neighbouring traveller who was journalling, and I hoped for my own Before Sunrise moment. I sat next to a woman reading about ‘inner work’ and she later asked me if I believe in God, and I felt her genuine sadness that I don’t subscribe to a religion. She told me about hers, and how God always looks after her. The landscape outside was bleak and rainy, foreshadowing the week ahead.
When I arrived, I felt open again. I was back! I thought I would never take this feeling of aliveness for granted. I was so happy, I danced my way to the laundromat. It required small change, so I asked around and was told to go to the ‘coffee shop’ opposite, to swap my 20 euro note. The guy said yes, but I had to buy something. So within an hour of being in Amsterdam, I had bought a joint!
Amsterdam was particularly special, for it was the long-awaited meeting point of a friend who I had never met in real life. I followed her on Instagram a while ago for her beautiful film photography, and we started talking over a few months and realised how likeminded we are. I felt like I knew her when I met her, a really special moment that I had been looking forward to for a long time. Sometimes the internet is a wonderful thing. Her and her partner showed me around Amsterdam — the narrow buildings, wonky streetscapes, canals and the beautiful Vondelpark, in between bursts of evening rain. They shared their recommendations of nature and cities to explore during my time in The Netherlands, which at this point had an open-ended timeframe.
I loved passing the half-sunken homes, where you can peer down through windows into cosy kitchens and loungerooms from street level. I visited many of the museums, moved by the way the Dutch masters Vermeer and Rembrandt captured light. I’ve been lucky to see so many incredible photography exhibitions in Europe. Here, the Huis Marseille is housed in two 17th century canal houses and the exhibition of rediscovered Surrealist photography was truly so inspiring.
Utrecht, The Netherlands
I really liked it here, a smaller city nearby to Amsterdam. The facades were so charming. Apparently Utrecht has the highest ownership of bikes per capita, more than Copenhagen. Utrecht is also the home of Miffy. The guide of the walking tour, a jolly man, used to see Dick Bruna draw Miffy in the street in his 90s and give the drawings to children! He passed away a few years ago.
After a few days, I felt depleted and didn’t have much to give. I felt guilty that I wasn’t enjoying every moment of the trip, and that it was going to waste in some way. But after poor sleep, not enough vegetables, and less than an inkling of a plan for the coming days, it’s no wonder. I googled these things and it led me to the term ‘travel burnout’, a common experience for long term travel. I felt seen, even though I was only in week 5. I needed to look after myself better, and not expect to see and do absolutely everything or have the energy to do so. The weather here didn’t help — it was mainly cold and grey for nearly two weeks. I thrive when it’s warm.
The Hague and Delft, The Netherlands
For my last stop, in The Hague, the weather improved slightly and it finally felt like summer, enough to rent a bike and ride half an hour to the beach on the edge of the city. Similarly to Copenhagen, this was liberating. The path meandered through lush parkland which felt removed from the city. I’ve heard this is a very Dutch experience.
I wandered one morning with my camera, and met an older lady dropping small amounts of food over the edge of the canal. She was beautifully dressed in green, with a slightly eccentric persona. I peered over the deck to see who she was feeding. She explained in Dutch and then in English that the little mother duck had been nesting her eggs for two months, too long, and must have broken legs. So every morning, the lady comes down and hand feeds the duck. She said that people probably thinks she is crazy, though she did not care, and I loved that. She made a comment about how the male duck was nowhere to be seen, and ‘how typical’ this was. We laughed. I asked to take her photo, I love the cheeky twinkle in her eye. She reminded me of the bird lady in Mary Poppins. And for once, I was bold.
I desperately needed warmth and consistent sun, so I booked a flight to Milan. Mamma mia! Stay tuned.
Much love,
Mad x
